Listening Skills
I never realised how bad a listener I was until I studied life coaching! The great secret is to listen at a level beyond oneself. It is the foundation of coaching. It succeeds when it is done at levels 2 and 3, ie, where the coach is truly over on the client’s side understanding their world, rather than assuming, interpreting and giving opinions. I now know when I am being a good listener because my clients inadvertently tell me, by their response to my questions. When I truly listen and reflect back what I have heard and understood, the client opens up, like a flower, revealing their true feelings and emotions. They get a chance to hear and understand their own lives.
I am being a good listener when:
a) I show respect for my client’s words and story,
b) I show genuine interest and caring for their words,
c) I show empathy, being “with and for” the client,
d) I help clarify vague and muddled ideas,
e) I articulate the person’s words, feeding back their story to create understanding and find a sense of immediacy, knowing where I am in the conversation so that I can steer it in the appropriate direction.
I listen best when I keep the personal out. I do this by avoiding opinions, moods, experiences and thoughts on the client’s experiences. I am listening to understand their world, not to compare theirs with mine!
When one is truly listening at levels 2 and 3, an amazing experience begins to happen. The questions seem to just “flow”, one begins to follow the client’s interest, the coaching relationship takes over and an effortless conversation takes place, where there appears to be “no necessary conscious intervention by either coach or client.” It is a very pleasurable process that leads to great understanding, which is the bedrock on which coaching is built.
For a PowerPoint presentation on Listening skills click here.
